September 7th, 2005

I Will Not Defame New Orleans.


At last, their Katrina issue is out.

I believe The Onion to be the most venerable source of "journalism" in the country.

Weird, that.

Their "HOLY FUCKING SHIT!" stories during 9/11 and its aftermath helped a lot of people keep their sanity together in the face of disaster.

Humor heals, you see. Isn't that funny.

This week's headlines:

God Outdoes Terrorists Yet Again

Officials Uncertain Whether To Save Or Shoot Victims

Nation's Politicians Applaud Great Job They're Doing

Area Man Drives Food There His Goddamned Self

Bush: 'It Has Been Brought To My Attention That There Was Recently A Bad Storm'

And then there's this article:
Government Relief Workers Mosey In To Help

FEMA representatives call out to survivors, "Show us your tits for emergency rations!"
NEW ORLEANS—Federal Emergency Management Agency director Michael Brown, leading a detachment of 7,500 relief workers, moseyed on down to New Orleans Monday afternoon. "Well, I do declare, it's my job to see if any of these poor folks need any old thing," Brown said from his command rocker on the command post porch, adding, "Mighty hot day, ain't it?" Follow-up teams of emergency relief workers are expected to begin ambling into the Gulf Coast region as early as this weekend. "They should be getting the trucks good and warmed up anytime now, and they'll be cruising into town just as soon as all the reservists stroll in," said Brown, who is currently at his desk awaiting offers of food, water, and evacuation buses to roll in from "somewhere or other."