June 4th, 2005

I Will Not Defame New Orleans.

Mucky-Muck

On Thursday I got me a sump pump and a wetvac and spent the day draining and cleaning the fish pond.

I was going to drain it entirely and get the thing so clean you could eat off it, but once I got all the pond plants and most of the water out, there were just too many small fish and thousands and thousands of tadpoles that I couldn't bring myself to Hoover up. Instead, I stood ankle-deep in vile, primordial ooze, handscooping piles and piles, years and years I suspect, of dead leaves, muddy mulch, decomposed fish heads, and anything else that ended up in the pond.

"My fish are going to be sewww happy!" I thought benevolently as I refilled the pond, threw the plants back in and poured in the fish that I did manage to extricate.

Yesterday, I went to see how the pond was settling, and while it certainly looks much cleaner, all those sideways-floating fish on the surface give it an undeniably maudlin overtone.

Godfuckingdammit. I'm a fishkiller!

How can I live with myself.