December 9th, 2004

I Will Not Defame New Orleans.

"Twenty-Two," Encore

It's 5:30am. I can't sleep. There's an incredible storm going on right now. The crashes of thunder and blinding flashes of lightening through the bedroom window woke me up. Bad-Kitty, who some months ago was banished to the back deck for reasons of incontinence, was howling at the bathroom window. It's not often that it rains so hard or at such an angle that the back deck gets wet. I let the mongrel in and went outside to watch the storm.

Lightening striking so close that the thunder was simultaneous. Ears ringing. And all I can think of is, we're going to get hit. Lightening is going to hit Clifford tonight. Room for one more, honey. Should have stayed in Vegas?

Also, I can't get the slow-mo scene of that SUV flipping and flipping and flipping out of my head. It's on permanent, horrifying loop. I keep thinking, thank god I was behind the action, going in the same direction and had plenty of time to slow down to stay away from the collisions. What about the people coming the opposite way, who had no notice of the accident, and suddenly a huge, oil-devouring monster lands in their lane seemingly from the sky?

That could have been us.

For years now I've been convinced I would perish either by direct lightening, or by a Steinway grand falling from the sky out of fucking nowhere. Tonight, nearly both have happened.

Morbidity reigns at 5:30am.
I Will Not Defame New Orleans.

Trois Choses Stupides

THREE THINGS:
[blame neshenti]

THREE SCREEN NAMES YOU HAVE HAD:
  1. Bzzt
  2. Rufus Xavier Sarsaparilla
  3. Robert Benchley

THREE THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
  1. Good cop.
  2. Bad cop.
  3. Really bad cop!

THREE THINGS YOU HATE ABOUT YOURSELF: ("hate" is too strong - more like "meh")
  1. My complete intolerance for dogs and children
  2. My body: specifically the fact that it chose to host a stomach virus while I was on a work trip.
  3. The little voices in my head telling me to kidnap hookers and strangle them and turn their remains into mulch for the garden. I really hate that I don't have a green thumb.

THREE THINGS I AM WEARING RIGHT NOW:
  1. Undahpahhhnts

THREE THINGS YOU HAVE BOUGHT RECENTLY:
  1. I'm kept.

THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU:
  1. Sudden jerky movements or sudden, piercing noises, as from dogs or children
  2. Dubya
  3. Living in a country that would voluntarily elect Dubya.

THREE THINGS ON YOUR DESK:
  1. Barnaps.
  2. Barnaps.
  3. More barnaps.

THREE THINGS YOU CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT:
  1. Food.
  2. Water.
  3. Oxygen.

THREE GOOD WAYS TO DESCRIBE MY PERSONALITY:
  1. Loyal to a fault.
  2. Thoughtful to a fault.
  3. Faulty.

THREE PARTS OF MY HERITAGE:
  1. Some white guys.
  2. Grace Kelly.
  3. Some drag queen.

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE BANDS (or artists(at the moment)):
  1. Bach.
  2. Chopin.
  3. Pain Teens.

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE SONGS AT PRESENT:
  1. Chopin Ballade No. 1 in G minor.
  2. "Tomorrow Belongs To Me" from Cabaret.
  3. That 'Laura' song from Scissor Sisters.

THREE NEW THINGS YOU WANT TO TRY IN THE NEXT 12 MONTHS:
  1. Chopin Ballade No. 1 in G minor.
  2. That should take the next twelve months. Possibly more.

THREE THINGS YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP (love is a given):
  1. I think it's funny…
  2. …that anyone would ever utter the sentence…
  3. …"love is a given."

TWO TRUTHS AND A LIE:
  1. I really am going to get around to all the chores I've set for myself around the house.
  2. It will take a little time, but I'll get through them all.
  3. No, really!

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS ABOUT THE OPPOSITE SEX (or same) THAT APPEAL TO YOU:
  1. Scruff.
  2. Glitter.
  3. Mancrease.

THREE THINGS YOU JUST CAN'T DO:
  1. See the point in these meme things.
  2. Not fill one out.
  3. Sleep at night knowing I've wasted my time, and yours, with shite like this.

THREE THINGS I SAY THE MOST:
  1. "Clearly you're insane."
  2. "Little bit o' trash goin' by."
  3. "Come here little kitty. Little useless fluffy kitty-witty! You come here and stop sneaking around!"

THREE PLACES I WANT TO GO:
  1. Tokyo.
  2. Venice.
  3. The bathroom.

[a few moments later…]
THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE HOBBIES:
  1. Mangling Bach, Rach, Chopin, et al.
  2. Writing shit like this.
  3. Did I mention the hooker/mulch/gardening thing?

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO REALLY BADLY RIGHT NOW:
  1. If there were something I wanted to do badly right now…
  2. Don't you think I'd be doing it…
  3. Instead of wasting time with this silly meme list?

THREE CAREERS YOU'RE CONSIDERING:
  1. Astronaut.
  2. Fireman.
  3. Cocktail waitress.

THREE KID'S NAMES:
  1. Theo.
  2. Vig.
  3. Evie.

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE:
  1. Become immortal.

THREE PEOPLE WHO HAVE TO TAKE THIS QUIZ NOW OR DIE PAINFULLY:
  1. G. W. Bush.
  2. Dave Matthews.
  3. Jim Carrey.
Did you notice that whatever dipshit wrote this meme list kept switching from first person to second person every other question? I'm ashamed I didn't catch that in time. I wouldn't have filled this out.