February 27th, 2004

I Will Not Defame New Orleans.


So I'm working over at The Boyfriend's second storey flat yesterday. Beautiful spring day. All the windows open. Decadent breeze blowing through. I utter a forshadowing comment: "I have an open-window fetish. There's nothing quite as nice as a house with all the windows open."

Flash forward to yesterday evening. A long day of work and we're treating ourselves to Pizza Slut and Ab Fab. Dumbkitty is lounging in the window, feeling as decadant as we.

Suddenly, from the window behind the futon, we hear a sliding, a ripping, a scrabbling noise. I look over just in time to see that the window had slipped, the cat had freaked, the screen had ripped, and the animal had plummeted out.

"Oh my GOD!" cried The Boyfriend, darting downstairs.

I ran to the window to look out and see where the cat might be.

Bottle-Blonde Garden District Neighbor was on her driveway, witnessing the fiasco. She said, "Did you just throw the cat out the window?"

I was in a shock-type panic, muttering something about the broken screen and, "Did you see where she went?"

I went downstairs to help look for the cat.

Bottle-Blonde drives off. It occurs to me, did she just ask me if I threw a cat out a second storey window!?!? What a horrible, horrible thing to say! Is she completely mad?

We eventually find the dumb beast as she's being 'terrorized' by the local kitties (read: they're holding a fluffy little meet-n-greet under the house, but Dumbkitty is petrified of other animals). We are alerted to her whereabouts by the scream of mortal terror she emits when she sees another cat. It sounds like an infant being trod upon by a dromedary.

The boyfriend and I corner her under the house and corral her, eventually recapturing the hissing, screaming thing.

She was fine. No broken bones apparent. So everything turned out well.

Except … did that neighbor bitch really ask me if I threw a cat out the window!?!? What a cunt!