December 15th, 2002

I Will Not Defame New Orleans.

La Cebolla

It's hard to pick a few, because they're all flawless, but here are a few of my favorite Onion articles, as if you asked:
  • Man Has Amazing Ass — TASHEN, OH—In what is the most remarkable story to come out of Tashen, OH, in decades, resident Lance Holdger has an amazing ass. (full text)
  • Eight-Pound Man Removed From Woman's Vagina — ALBUQUERQUE, NM—In a bizarre case that has baffled medical professionals across the country, surgeons at Albuquerque's Veterans Memorial Hospital removed a living eight-pound man from the confines of an area woman's vagina Monday. (full text)
  • Ask A High School Student Who Didn't Do The Required Reading(full text)
  • Smoove B., Bring It On — Girl, if you have any question in your mind as to whether I can satisfy you, bring your body to me now. ¶ Smoove B will satisfy you. ¶ Bring it on to me, and I will love you like nobody can. I will sex you like nobody can. I will freak you like nobody can. ¶ I am ready for you now… (full text)
  • Why Do All These Homosexuals Keep Sucking My Cock? — Look, I'm not a hateful person or anything—I believe we should all live and let live. But lately, I've been having a real problem with these homosexuals. You see, just about wherever I go these days, one of them approaches me and starts sucking my cock. (full text)
What's yours?