I'll use Ben's to call myself and find it that way.
[boop-boop-boop-boop. Rrrrrrring ]
Uh-oh. It's ringing, but I don't hear it in the house. Shit I probably left it in the cab last night. Stuff's always falling out of these pockets.
I'll hang up and call United and put in a lost and found notice.
Oh wait. It stopped ringing.
WOMAN's VOICE: Hello?
ME: "Um, uh. Hi."
WOMAN: "I found this phone in the back of a cab last night. Are you its owner?"
ME: "Yes ma'am."
WOMAN: "Oh great. I called your mom to let her know. It's been ringing off the hook today. But when it started meowing (my ring tone for when Ben calls me), I said to my girlfriend, 'I HAVE to answer THIS one!'"
ME: "Wow. I'm stunned. You're fucking awesome."
WOMAN: "So I'll be at CC's from 4 to 7. You can come by and pick up your phone."
ME: "Thank you so so so much."
WOMAN: "I'm a big dyke in a wheelchair."
ME: "But how will I be able to pick you out in a crowd?"
I hung up, glad that people like her exist in the world.
Friends have been calling me all day.
"There's some weird woman who has your phone."
"I know. She's my new best friend."
"I said, 'Well thank you for the information sir,' and she said, 'I'm not a sir, I'm a ma'am!' and I said, 'I'm so sorry.' And she said, 'Aw fuckit, it don't matter. I'm a big old dyke.'"
The summation of this story can be found in a line from a Kids in the Hall sketch: "Lesbians get so much done in a day."
[Ring, ring, ring ]
"Hi, mom. I bet I know why you're calling."
"So you got your phone back all right?"
"I'm going to meet her in a bit. Clever of her to call you."
"Wish she hadn't called at 3am though."
"WHAT!? That's 5am here! The woman must be mad."
"You and your adventures."
I just got back from meeting my little phone friend. Sho nuff, she was a big dyke with bad teeth in a wheelchair, and just about as friendly as a person can get before they explode with bonhomie. I was parked badly in the Quarter, so I didn't have a lot of time to chat. Just a quick, "Thanks for your incredible understanding and effort to find me."
Now that I check my call history, I see she has been a busy little beaver-eater indeed! She called (and I'm assuming all calls were made at 5am): My dad, my casino host, my old boss Leila, my house (the which call obviously didn't wake me up), my mom, Hespeth, Susie Vaughan, and Pamela.